Brother to Brother

Why do we loathe the hypocrite?

Our children possess an uncanny ability to filter out hypocrisy, especially from their parents.

Travel with me for a moment, down the path of exploration into this thought.

Perhaps somewhere deep down innate wisdom whispers to them.

Maybe it tells them, “we cannot trust the words of a person, especially a man, that says one thing and does another.”

Is there not a grain of truth to this?

And, is there not also a certain amount of damage we, as parents, can do with our hypocrisy?

As fathers, we are responsible for setting certain expectations.

A quick search on topics like, “Statistics of fatherlessness,” will reveal many haunting facts.

It seems, to me, we fathers need to accept and embrace that we are important to our families.

While I do acknowledge a husband has obligations to his wife, just as he also has many responsibilities concerning his daughters, I primarily focus on the father-son dynamic.

It’s what I am passionate about, and what I am strongly compelled to help other fathers foster.

I, myself, realized nearly too late the importance of this dynamic and how it prevents strife between father and son.

I had to learn that a man who answers to nothing, would do anything.

“Absolute power corrupts absolutely,” sort of thing.

Except, for the overwhelming majority of men it results in self-destructive behaviors.

And, while many readers may argue the age-old foolishness that he is solely responsible for himself, so what’s the problem?…

That fallacy has no place in the heart, mind, or soul of a father.

Let the lone wolf have that mentality.

While he comes around through the long and scenic route only to realize too late he missed out on truly wonderful adventures.

I would have any brother of mine strive towards a refined life.

Without this refinement (or code of ethics) to strive towards, talents become perverted into something contradictory to the ideals they’re supposed to defend against it.

Think about it, don’t just take my word for it.

“Strength” becomes cruelty.

“Charisma” twists into manipulation.

“Leadership” becomes domination.

So, what are we to do then?

If everywhere we go things are being corrupted to our disadvantage, we anchor ourselves to ideals that are reliably constant.

The kind America was founded on.

The same kind that were once looked to for inspiration, when the world went dark with war many of us cannot imagine.

We anchor ourselves because we possess the ability, as well as the motivation.

We do this so that our sons will stand tall in face of tyranny instead of cowering underneath the weight of inaction.

Battle Tested Plan

When you catch yourself next giving your son advice, stop a moment and ask yourself if you are an example of success in this regard.

If you aren’t, and you know you aren’t, ask your son if he thinks you are.

If he says, “yes, you are,” explain to him all the ways you have failed to do so.

It will catch him off guard and he will be forced to see you in a new perspective.

He will see that you are holding yourself to a higher standard than he was.

This can be used to bolster his confidence in you even further, if you dare to ask his help in being better moving forward.

Let that new conviction create the clarity he needs.

He will struggle in life, therefore, he needs to know how to do it, and you’re the man for the job.

Show him your rules aren’t about control over him, but a living form of discipline so that he can dare to be better than you.

Never forget that sons want to outperform their fathers in every way they find admirable.

Find out what he thinks is admirable about you. 

Then show him how to be even better than you.

This is how the metaphorical torch can be carried on for generations.

It compounds into a sort of wealth.

If you follow by Ben Black for any length of time, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

He does an excellent job of diving into legacy building.

Specifically how a man must do this consistently to build a foundation his children can build the future on.

Onward Towards Success

Recognize when you are being ruled by your whims.

Once this is done, you can begin setting better habits.

Challenge yourself!

Find the truth to your motives!

Is it commonly some perceived injustice rather than an actual injustice?

This was the case for me and my temper, which always seemed to get the best of me.

One day I noticed my family was afraid of me.

I had never hit them when angry, nor would I… but how did they know that?

I would stop mid rage and begin questioning myself.

I practiced stoicism in earnest in those painful moments.

I’d rather wrestle myself, and my insecurities, than look at their fearful faces.

A truth from an old book came to me and I pondered it hard in those moments of self-anguish.

“A man must accept at the end of his day, he either completed the tasks or he did not.”

My strategy and challenge to you is to determine what your excuses are for the incomplete tasks, and to have the honor required to admit when you failed because you did not want it completed enough.

If it is found to be important enough still, prioritize appropriately so that you will not suffer two days of failure back-to-back.

This will lead to honor and respect from those looking to you for leadership—namely your sons’.

May God smile upon you today and tomorrow. May you look back on all your yesterdays and believe He always has.

Gratefully,
Brandon Moore

I’ve already paid the price for this wisdom... use it.

P.S. I’ll send your next email on the 1st.

I’m supposed to say something witty right here that convinces you click a link to my book on Amazon. I never liked that idea and have struggled to do it correctly since this self-promotion journey began. So instead, if you want to support this work, share this with someone that needs it, or purchase “Fathering the Boy” by Brandon Moore on Amazon. I would appreciate the support in spreading the message.

How easy it is for us to demand respect from our children, especially our sons. Those of us that are Christians have it wrapped up in our commandments. A child must honor the parents, God has said it is a good thing and so it must be.

It is another thing entirely to recognize a young boy has every reason to expect the same respect men freely give to one another. The fact that our son is our charge is irrelevant to the developing boy.

From his perspective, which dictates his reality, we must provide him with the respect we demand he show us. After all, is this not precisely the way of men in the adult world? Do men not extend a certain amount of respect toward one another until it has been broken?

These things haunted me during the research of “Fathering the Boy” & “The Boy’s Own Book” It was during this phase of my life I learned we CAN escape the past mistakes of previous generations. I invite you to join, learn, and GROW with me.

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The absolute best way I have found to earn the respect of a boy, especially a son, is to do so via a lived example of the principles preached.

It is hypocritical of a man to preach giving men, even strangers, the respect of not raising our voices to them, and then yell at our sons at the first test of patience. The boy can perceive this quickly, even if he cannot put it into words yet he intuitively knows his father is a hypocrite. That is to say he preaches one thing, and then does another.

Our coworkers may not know who we really are at home. No, our favorite friends may not know what annoys us about them. The same cannot be said for our children that live with us. They hear things and store the information for later use.

When a man says not to speak about people behind their back because it is cowardly and wrong, he is correct. When he then performs this exact wrong doing, he has proven himself lacking in the eyes of the child. The same becomes doubly wrong when he tries to justify it to his child or condemns the child to keep the misbehavior a secret.

Now the child knows what a hypocrite is, and worst yet, that his father is one.

Many of us are aware of the philosophy “Don’t meet your heroes because they will disappoint you.” There is wisdom in this because the version of that hero built up in our minds is far from reality. The same is true for children looking up to their parents, especially where the father and the son are concerned.

The difference here is that you have the time and proximity to allow him the benefit of witnessing your many layers. This makes your image evolve into the reality, which is that fathers are complex individuals with unique personalities. Exactly like a child grows into an adult slowly in front of the parent.

Give your son a reason to continue pursuing your example and you will always have his respect.

Don’t be a coward like I was...
I’ve already paid the price for this wisdom... use it.

May God smile upon you today and tomorrow. May you look back on all your yesterdays and believe He always has.

Gratefully,
Brandon Moore

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A son will almost always hear his father out, but first some other things will be noticed. He will watch how his father walks. He will take notice in his father’s posture, tone, and self-discipline. The boy pays attention to what sort of men his father surrounds himself with and what excuses are deemed tolerable. When the boy becomes an adolescent, he begins to test these actions against their honor.

A father’s honor begins with his presence.

We are all too aware of the desire to be flashy, often at the sacrifice of being steady. This means we are teaching our sons that appearances of prosperity are worth losing the more important virtue of stability.

Being steady should always be worth more than being flashy.

A man with a cultivated sense of masculinity knows there is no value in arrogance or insecurities. It is undeniably more valuable to be rooted in an identity founded on something honorable.

Honor is a trait with which there is no way to buy it. It cannot be purchased from Amazon with overnight shipping, nor can it be secured, earned, or obtained through any amount of performances.

It is something which must be earned and is identifiable by how a man carries his weight, his name, and his own word.

A son learns how a man ought to walk by watching you in your most commonly shared environment. Your home.

The way in which you speak to your wife. They way you follow through (or don’t) on small things and tasks. Even in the way you treat strangers at the store.

It all says to our sons, “This is what manhood looks like.”

For those of us that have accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we know we must dedicate ourselves to living in His foot steps. We know what that means. We understand it is how a man can build part of a kingdom worthy of any sacrifice we can make. We know, it’s how we build a legacy worth our grandchildren inheriting.

There are no titles required to be honorable. They aren’t required. No status will bring it. This is a lesson plenty of CEOs in America ought to be learning.

If the mayor can have no honor, a governor can have no honor, and even a president of the most powerful country on earth can have no honor, then why would we deceive ourselves into thinking titles bring honor?

These things haunted me during the research of “Fathering the Boy” & “The Boy's Own Book” It was during this phase of my life I learned we CAN escape the past mistakes of previous generations. I invite you to join, learn, and GROW with me.

Subscribe now

Honor requires a consistency in how a man carries himself in public as well as in private. The amount of stress or peace should not be a variable in determining this consistency.

A man who honors himself doesn’t punch down to prove himself worthy. He guards those unable to do so, not for glory, but because he is capable of doing so. He stands tall to shield those behind him.

This ability to anchor himself in righteousness isn’t sourced from arrogance, but a truth. He possesses the ability to defend, and they do not, therefore, he must commence the act of defending.

Men used to teach their sons that real men, that is to say men with developed masculinity, do not chase down validation. That’s what a boy does until he has learned to carry responsibility with grace. Until a man begins to carry himself honorably, he remains in many regards, a boy pretending.

Fathers, your son is watching how you carry yourself. Can you provide an excuse good enough for not providing him with a man of presence. A man with weight in the value of honor? Is there a legitimate obstacle preventing you from being a man worth following?

I doubt it. I firmly believe the only thing in the way of a man being the best version of himself, is he himself.

Don’t be a coward like I was...
I’ve already paid the price for this wisdom... use it.

May God smile upon you today and tomorrow. May you look back on all your yesterdays and believe He always has.

Gratefully,
Brandon Moore

Subscribe now