Brother to Brother

The better question is “Would people try to replace you?”

The factual perspective is that you, an entirely unique individual, by definition cannot be replaced, ever. Period.

The psychological perspective is much more fascinating because it can inspire growth, depression, or even both.

So, the real question is would people around you try to replace you?

Your employer absolutely would make the attempt, but that’s literally the nature of the beast with employment.

You weren’t there for anything more than a means to an end, yourself, either.

That isn’t intended to be a slight toward your character.

It is an attempt to point out there is not always malicious intent when an employer replaces an employee.

It’s the nature of that beast and a far less stimulating conversation topic.

Would your family attempt to replace you?

This question also lacks some honesty.

If you die they likely have no choice in trying.

So, again, we need to push past the easy questions until we arrive at one that elicits a reaction.

“Is your family planning to replace you right now?”

Now, there is a question worthy of exploration.

If you don’t even try to bear the weight of responsibility, they might be.

If your actions force your son to start looking elsewhere for the definition of manhood, he might be.

You want to wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of being irreplaceable because that’s the truth.

There is no one that can replace what you represent for your family.

That doesn’t mean they won’t try, because ultimately if you aren’t trying…why would they?

Battle Tested Plan

We all know far too many fathers that are physically present, and yet are coincidentally missing in other areas of importance.

Sure, they do occupy the home, but are absent for any struggles the wife or son has.

It’s leadership without presence and it results in failure.

Not only does it fail here, but it also fails the son, because he learns from his father’s behavior “this is what a man does and is.”

It is decidedly not what a man is and it is dangerous to allow such a perspective to persist.

A man has many tools at his disposal, namely responsibility.

It is standing where others have folded, because it is the proper thing to do.

It is being where you are needed even at the expense of your personal pleasures and leisure.

It is what will turn your proximity into a powerful force.

Do a self-evaluation: write down 5 ways your father failed you.

If you find this too difficult, stressful, or even impossible, submit yourself to the people most likely to know you better than you know yourself.

Ask your family in what ways you have been a failure as of late.

Or, a more gentle approach, what ways could you grow as a provider of stability and security.

Onward Towards Success

For the readers nodding in agreement that have already been through the fires and come out successful on the other side, well done, gentleman!

I salute you and congratulate you on your efforts.

For my brothers out there preparing to move forward with these trials, the men that have recognized they haven’t been the best example of responsibility to their family, read on.

There have been countless homes where an absence was felt and recovered.

My own is certainly one of them.

The fact that a family has conquered something together is one of the chief reasons they succeed together in the long run.

It is going to be tough.

It is going to feel unnecessarily heavy to pick up the weight you have been ignoring.

It will take time to adjust your body, and soul, to this responsibility.

And then you will discover there is always more to do.

There is never going to be enough responsibility taken.

Perhaps this is why God, being the all-knowing Father that He is, gave us sons to train.

They are eager to help carry the weight, and we should let them.

Under careful supervision we should stack on their shoulders as much weight as they are eager to take, and then add just a little more to it.

So they know precisely what it means to carry it when they start their own family.

Furthermore, so they will understand exactly why they need to teach their sons to do it.

It will mean a delicate balance of maintaining his respect while you carry burdens together.

Do not believe you can train legacy mindedness by forcefully educating him in obedience.

It will not prove profitable… this I know too well.

May God smile upon you today and tomorrow. May you look back on all your yesterdays and believe He always has.

Gratefully,
Brandon Moore

I’ve already paid the price for this wisdom... use it.

P.S. I’ll send your next email on the 15th.

I’m supposed to say something witty right here that convinces you click a link to my book on Amazon. I never liked that idea and have struggled to do it correctly since this self-promotion journey began. So instead, if you want to support this work, share this with someone that needs it, or purchase “Fathering the Boy” by Brandon Moore on Amazon. I would appreciate the support in spreading the message.

Brother to Brother

“My father always did what mattered.”

“My father always left things to someone else.”

Whichever words our boys use to describe us, and our legacy, will echo for generations.

Let’s make it count.

The truth is none of our boys are going to become men simply by meeting a set number of laps around the sun.

Manhood develops slowly and takes place over years.

Sons will watch their fathers struggle against a sinful world, and they’ll learn why that struggle is important!

What sacrifices do men make?

What mistakes do men make?

When do men quit?

Why it’s important to never be the first man to quit!

Sons, while wanting their father’s approval, need to learn the standard of manhood.

This is something we, fathers, must take responsibility for cultivating.

Here’s what I discovered, there isn’t a legacy without someone taking responsibility.

There are no warriors without training.

Think about it, this is the brand of determination and dedication we need to weaponize.

If we will not commit to the cause, then we cannot be shocked when our sons have no cause to respect us.

Without respect, he will not follow because we have not led.

The Battle Tested Plan

We want our sons to be men of honor.

The way we secure this is by being men of honor ourselves.

Failing this, we should strive to do the best we possibly can and make sure our sons know they need to continue where we couldn’t.

Here are a few ways to start making that happen:

Take responsibility BEFORE we’re asked to.

· Apologize before getting caught. (I’m not talking about infidelity, which is cowardly behavior that angers God and society.)

· Provide before it becomes a need.

· Train before needing to do so.

· Be what your legacy requires.

Responsibility is the evidence that separates legacy from noise.

We all know at least one guy that talks about building something but never does.

Perhaps the weight of sacrifices (or investments) was too much for him to carry alone.

I say, these men had fathers that failed them.

We do not have to fail our sons!

They can learn how to struggle and empower themselves—and their kids!

Be the dad that shows up with strength in your eyes and conviction in your voice.

Let your sons see you fail, speak truth when it’s difficult, work when it isn’t convenient, and lead when it is easier to follow.

This is what fathers are responsible for!

Onward Towards Success

Here’s the truth: Every single day you are writing your legacy line by line.

Your actions are the ink, and the way you wield the pen of responsibility determines the quality of your legacy.

· Become your son’s successful foundation.

· Lead before a crisis happens.

· Teach before rebellions begin.

· Correct errors before a collapse.

Do not be reactive to the enemy, of which there are many.

Incorporate responsibility until it becomes part of your spine and voice.

Use it to hold your home and family together.

Use it to shape your son’s character by making your name something worthy of carrying.

When you get this right, you won’t be his cautionary tale, but his inspiration.

May God smile upon you today and tomorrow. May you look back on all your yesterdays and believe He always has.

Gratefully,
Brandon Moore

I’ve already paid the price for this wisdom... use it.

This is my secret weapon!

P.S. I’ll send your next email on the 1st.

Every man pays a price for the way he lives his life. Some even seek an out for the debts they owe. Often, a scapegoat can be found and easily blamed, but it is a cruel thing to do.

While many of you would agree it is an unjust thing to do in any case, what if your son was the only one that could take your place? You see, now, why I used the word cruel.

That’s how fatherhood works in an extreme perspective of the role’s consequences. If fathers are avoiding responsibility, the sons will also avoid responsibility, because they will inherit that chaos. 

Embrace your own responsibility so that your son will also. Let that be a strength he inherits from you. Do not assume there is a middle ground on this. 

I would seek to have you understand the severity of this as I understand it. This is important, because it can be changed today. It does not have to possess leverage over you if it does.

There are fathers who refuse to carry the weight God gave them. That is to say, the weight that comes with being a father. These men will train their sons how to collapse under the everyday pressures.

Our lack of ownership can be seen in the boy’s persistence to create excuses for himself. Can we really expect anything else from the “weak” boys being trained to be “weak” men by their “weak” fathers? We really should understand how generational the impact is from one man.

It is incredibly clear that our role as father is not optional. The research is clear on that. Even on the fundamental level it makes complete sense.

These things haunted me during the research of “Fathering the Boy” & “The Boy's Own Book” It was during this phase of my life I learned we CAN escape the past mistakes of previous generations. I invite you to join, learn, and GROW with me.

Subscribe now

A father is responsible for the training of his children. For his sons, he teaches everyday with his every action and inaction. Every delay we create becomes the boys’ deficit. Every excuse we give becomes the example, and every escape we offer him becomes his inheritance.

This is because the pains we, as fathers, avoid today do not disappear and I trust we all know that. Something that may not be considered is that it actually multiplies and compounds.

All it takes is for our wife’s exhaustion to add that extra weight to the day. Or our sons’ reasonable confusion at something we know how to do as easily as we breathe, but he hasn’t learned the basics of yet.

Any example such as these can fracture our legacy because we never escape our responsibility. When we run from it we are simply transferring it to our sons like a wicked game of hot potato.

This won’t be something easy to read and it will be less fun to understand. One of the quickest ways to identify you aren’t doing enough, is to consider the level of comfort you have.

If you have more than one or two days of leisure in the week, it’s likely you aren’t doing enough. If you cannot remember the last time your body, mind, and/or soul ached, you are not doing enough.

Any position of responsibility, especially one provided by God, is going to be exhausting. How could it not? Fatherhood is certainly one provided by God. Please, do not misunderstand me. I am not saying fatherhood is miserable. It isn’t. It is incredibly rewarding in a way I lack the words to explain.

I have yet to experience anything worth remotely close to the joys fatherhood brings. There is also nothing worth having that doesn’t come from hard work, and fatherhood IS hard work.

From a different perspective, I offer you this. A man of God doesn’t just take responsibility for himself, he assumes it for everything under his covering. This extends to his wife, his children, his home, and through them his lineage.

Bleed—so that those under your protection do not. Pray often, so that they may see it done and the rewards it brings. Rise earlier than needed to provide more for the future. Do these things even when it is most difficult so that others may know how.

The alternative is to die with regrets. The kind that cannot be mended or corrected. The sort that leave sons wandering aimlessly through life and wives carrying far too many burdens.

You are not “just a man.” You are a father, a brother, a husband, and a son. Make everyone that calls you one of these titles proud to do so.

I know these are difficult ideals to implement into our lives. I know it means accepting that there have been previous failures. We cannot change yesterday, but we can take full ownership for today and tomorrow.

I encourage you to do so, because the moment you do is the same moment in time your legacy becomes more fortunate.

We can own the costs or we can pass the pains. Which will it be? The choice is yours.

May God smile upon you today and tomorrow. May you look back on all your yesterdays and believe He always has.

Gratefully,
Brandon Moore

Subscribe now

God gave you the son that calls you father (or dad, papa, etc.) Your duty is not just to provide for him, but to lead him towards the victory that is a developed masculinity.

This responsibility isn’t a burden. It’s your calling. It’s your test. It’s your legacy.

I get it, you were lied to. You were played for a fool and someone should pay for that! We were not trained to meet the demands placed on adult males. We were trained to hold onto our beloved childhoods as though they would last forever.

In a fair world where everyone gets exactly what they deserve, the bill would go to those at fault. No, I’m not saying it’s your parents fault because the fault train has a point of origin before they were born.

That is why the ideal of those at fault paying for the perceived injustices are a fantasy best suited for movie screens and childhoods.

The reality is that each of us must pay the price. The product is our freedom and the tag displays a word many feel is too heavy a burden. That’s where a mindset growth must occur.

Specifically understanding that responsibility is not a “burden” that it is a birthright!

Yes, most treat it like a curse they must flee. Some even to the extreme of blaming others or pretending it’s someone else’s job. But a father?

He knows the truth, that responsibility is where manhood begins.

A boy will wait to be told what to do. There is no shame in this because he has yet to learn the better way.

A man looks around, knows exactly what needs doing and moves to rectify the wrong. Sometimes it is little more than the trash needs to be taken out. Other times, it’s doing things he doesn’t want to do. His lack of enthusiasm isn’t a great mystery.

The man is tired, beaten, dreading the ten years worth of tomorrow’s in front of him, or he would simply rather not do it. Despite this, he still gets it done because the other options fail to appeal.

His son won’t be doing the difficult task because he either isn’t trained yet or it would shame the man for his son to do it while he is able. The same goes for the wife, his brother, or worst of all a stranger. No, if he knows how to tackle even the difficult problems in life, he will. The wisest among these men will lean on God for help.

Responsibility isn’t something handed to him, it’s a thing he claims. There is more on the metaphorical table than any one man, obviously excluding Jesus, can handle. This being the case does mean that nobody is going to fight you over the privilege of additional helpings.

This is how a father must approach his God-given leadership. The full weight of fatherhood doesn’t wait until you feel ready. It is something here and now. Your son cannot pause his brief boyhood for the sake of your comfort.

Every day, whether you rise to it or not, you are leading. The daily question is toward what?

These things haunted me during the research of "Fathering the Boy" & "The Boy's Own Book" It was during this phase of my life I learned we CAN escape the past mistakes of previous generations. Join, learn, and GROW with me.

Subscribe now

Some men intentionally carry just enough responsibility to look like they’re trying. They clock in. “Show up.” Sit down. You know exactly the type I am referring to! You may even be that man, and if you are I have some great news.

You don’t have to be. You have only failed if you’ve given up, because there is no shame in a starting point.

Now for those that choose to give up and thus have failed… when it comes to leading their homes with strength and vision, they vanish.

They are playing a role rather than being the example and everyone ought to demand more of them than this! Responsibility is not a task list for us to check off so we can claim we tried.

It’s the willingness to say:

“If it fails, it’s on me. If it’s broken, I’ll fix it. If it needs doing, I’ll commit to it.”

That’s how a father (and a husband) ought to live. If he believes he cannot, then he needs to seek help. I have yet to meet a man that isn’t capable of more, and often the obstacle is a need to learn how.

A man without responsibility is a danger to everyone around him. That is to say that he has no concept of accountability, for himself or others. No sense of duty, commitment, or reliability. Without these elements he blames his job, his parents, and the world for all of his hardships.

But any man worth half his salt says: “No more.”

He takes complete responsibility for the generation he’s shaping and then he shows up in every way possible. This is not to say that you need to do EVERYTHING. It is more accurate to say that you ought to take responsibility for everything you touch.

There is little more in our lives that make a bigger impact than our sons and how we train them for manhood. Your words and their tone, your presence, as well as your absence, will be what your son will always remember.

Your son is not looking for your perfection. He’s looking for ownership of the ideals you preach to him. He needs to see that when things go wrong, you show up anyway. He can easily imagine not wanting to do the hard things. He cannot imagine doing it anyway, because you have not shown him yet.

That’s where you build trust, the kind that matters in moments of doubt and frustration. That’s where your strengths, which you have acquired throughout your struggles, are passed down.

You are the perfect version of yourself just as you are in his eyes. If you think there is better version than what you currently are, be that. It doesn’t happen overnight or all at once. It is in those moments you know what would impress you, and then doing that instead of taking the easier choice.

Fathers, this is where we begin. Not with grand plans, but with quiet dutiful responsibility. So no more finger-pointing. No more waiting for someone else.

This is for your home.

Your mission.

Your legacy.

So own it.

Don’t be a coward like I was...

I’ve already paid the price for this wisdom... use it.

May God smile upon you today and tomorrow. May you look back on all your yesterdays and believe He always has.

Gratefully,
Brandon Moore